Making sweeping generalizations about a man by the brand he wears is admittedly an inaccurate science. Nevertheless, it’s also unavoidable and not to mention fun. Stereotypes are often wrong, however, it’s dangerous not to acknowledge their existence.
To expose them, we indulged our most shallow knee jerk reactions to 10 big name brands because whether you like it or not your label is talking about you to the rest of us and here’s what it’s saying.
You’re a fashion editor without the juice to afford Billy Reid, you’re a regular at the local coffee shop, where you’ll languish for hours with the MacBook after hunting for fresh kale at the farmer’s market. Your tennis game isn’t half bad and also, you are generally harmless, soft with privilege and unremarkable in almost every way.
Abercrombie & Fitch
You’re kind of a tool who happens to be in a fraternity. You think wearing your ball cap brim forward constitutes formal wear. You have two varsity letters…. one in water polo and one in half-naked male mud wrestling. There’s a funny story you like to tell involving Jagermeister and a security guard.
Books don’t interest you much, but Tucker Max is the man, “Seriously, he’s like the best writer since Chuck Palahniuk.”. You’re not big on shirts and you’re planning big things with your major in interdisciplinary studies. Oh and by the way…. you looked great in those USC rooftop sex photos.
You’re the youngest child and not as good at sports as your siblings. You didn’t get much attention at home. So now, you dress in all the latest fashion rather like a pretty boy angling for an internship with the Joker. Your occupation is as a high-society gala attendee and although one day the inheritance may run out, that day is not today.
People often tell you you’d make a beautiful woman. You drink champagne on all occasions, you’ve never gone fishing and you’re the reason that the rest of us don’t understand the French.
You may be a famous athlete, a weekend warrior or even a middle manager with a serious golf obsession and sure you could pay less for better functionality, but then you couldn’t brand yourself with little swooshes. There’s one rule in your house: No talking during the NCAA basketball tournament.
You take your gum chewing very seriously and in your refrigerator, you’ve got a sixer of Michelob ULTRA. And you once got thrown out of your kid’s soccer game for heckling the referee because look, a bad call is a bad call, whether the players are pros or preschoolers. And that’s precisely the kind of thing your ex-wife just didn’t understand.
You live in the city…. or rather, you wish you did which is exactly why you shop at Kenneth Cole. You didn’t plan on a career in advertising, but the art career wasn’t working out, and those Pilates classes don’t pay for themselves. You know more about style and the latest fashion styles than your friends, but less than you think you do. You’re the reason the term “Metrosexual” exists and nobody knows that those glasses aren’t really prescription.
So whether you are up to date on latest fashion trends or keep abreast of all the latest trends in fashion it in the end doesn’t matter because people will always stereotype and judge you on the clothes you wear.