Wyatt Ingraham Koch, heir of the shadowy conservative billionaire Koch family and the keeper of the whitest name in America, is trying to ruin fashion. Maybe he’s doing it on purpose. Maybe the son of Bill (brother to Charles and David) has always had so much money that he’s been impossibly bored and decided to spend his downtime making shirts that make people’s eyes bleed. Maybe it’s all one big joke, this fashion brand that was brought to our attention today, courtesy of The Cut. But Koch’s namesake line of clothing—Wyatt Ingraham—is straight up offensive.
Koch is only being talked about right now because he’s suing his ex-fiancée to get back the ($180,000) engagement ring. A bold move, sure. But not as bold as his line of godforsaken Jerk Shirts that has been hiding in some dark, remote spot on the internet. These are everything the biggest asshole at a party could want in a shirt: They’re loud, they’re patterned, and they’re fucking atrocious. Let us examine.
First up, a cannoli shirt. A. Cannoli. Shirt. That’s meant to be worn in public. A cannoli is meant to be eaten at Ferrara bakery while sipping on espresso, or in an Americanized Italian cafe in Florence. Please take this cannoli shirt and shove it.
Next: pink handcuffs. I mean, this line has to be a joke, right? The only people actually looking for pink handcuffs are the same people who thought Fifty Shades of Grey was a literary marvel.
Lastly, Koch—a man with an almost inconceivably huge fortune at his fingertips—decides to rub it in with a literal moneybags shirt. What kind of smug bastard would wear this. “Do you hate yourself and everyone around you? Then have *WE* got the shirt for you!” Thanks, Koch. Really needed this.